Psychomuse.com

Poetry, 2003

 
SEA DOCTOR 42003010131 - ©2003 WLL A shining star within the mist Of fearing souls that went adrift Something special brought him here Only darkness makes their fear Of course he had to swim away Seeking more to set his way Something special in his mind A physician of the rarest kind A few encounters, all I know Now it's time for him to go Something special in his eyes More than just a mere disguise /dedicated to dr. m.m. and k.d./ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ONE-HAND HYPE 42003010571 - ©2002 WLL Long ago were heavy keys Had many people on their knees An eager lass learned how to type With just two fingers in the night Did not know what touch-type was But still she loved to type because Once she didn't have to look She could quickly write a book Pens and pencils were no good Even though she knew she should Fix her writing so that one day She could be read if type went away But on and on and on they went Little fingers always bent Soon she grew and found new love A device from up above Computer keyboards made her fast Two-fingered typing was the past Suddenly her hands could move All her being loved to groove Years had passed and she lost track Of just how fast her hands could hack Away at keys so gentler still Communication at her will Pretty soon she had it down Mouse and all, she didn't frown Switching back and forth, would she Move her hands so easily People stopped to take a peek At this tiny thing so meek They stared in wonder at her hands Elastic still, like rubber bands Time goes on and still she'll type Challenge gone but full of hype Now her hands are on their own Still they are not fully grown Now she's wanting so much more Wants to enter one more door What if something hurts one hand? She wants to type with just one hand! People stop, they really stare At those fingers, light as air Moving on the keys so quick Seems one hand will do the trick Fingers tremble with delight Talking deep into the night Her mouth is dumb compared to these Hands that speak with fluent ease People stop, they really stare At those fingers, light as air Moving on the keys so quick Seems one hand will do the trick Fingers tremble with delight Talking deep into the night Her mouth is dumb compared to these Hands that speak with fluent ease ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SOLACE 42003010611 - ©2003 WLL Cover the truth Fading into the air Consuming the fire The gentle winds The gentle rain Learning the weather From single drops Study their structure Every molecule Dazed and confused Wanting to be here Wanting to be there Wanting to be everywhere Wanting to be someone else Yet wanting solace in myself Never understanding Never needing such things To calm my spirit Even though at times My mind is fuzzy All on its own Even though at times My mind is noisy All on its own Never understanding Who I am Who I want to be Who he is Who he wants to be Almost understanding Not quite understanding Listen to the wind Listen to its sound The air is getting heavy My mind goes round and round Music goes on playing Listen to its sound I need the comfort I need the air I need the calm collective I need to climb this stair My feet won't move again My body wants to move I feel like a weed Stuck in the ground My mind goes round and round My feet won't move again Calmness in the air Wanting to be there Wanting to be here Wanting to be everywhere Wanting to be someone else Yet wanting solace in myself Writing to my heart's content Fingers moving, they're content Mind falls asleep Sound goes on, a drone I am not alone But part of me is here Wanting to be there Wanting to be me Wanting to be me Not sure of anything I want to understand I want to understand I'm too dumb to see I'm crying in the sea ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PERFECTION 42003010612 - ©2003 WLL i love computers. i love the hum i love the whirring purr I love the cool touch of the case I love the programs And the uses And the fact They don't talk back But they don't Offer advice Their uses are limited Unlike the mind It sucks Otherwise they would be perfect. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OBSESSIONS 42003010831 - ©2003 WLL The spark had shot right through my mind You saw me naked I was alone to learn But I latched onto you instead Part of my education And part of yours It was both awesome and terrifying My mind with yours It never faded completely out Years had passed and still I didn't know of the obsession Or how deeply it had flowed We didn't make it We never could have It wasn't in the cards after all Obsession is not love Obsession is stagnation It's something that I wouldn't wish On you anymore So we parted ways But I found another The tables turned He wants me I have learned from him How it feels to be On the other end Why was I so blind? And now I must do What you never did outright Which may have changed things altogether So I'm glad things panned out The way they did I might never have known; I might never have learned! But now I must tell him I am not "the one" For I am not I never could be While he's obsessed And before we can both learn more. I apologized to you Even though there was no need I understand and I am sorry For how I've acted all these years And suddenly I'm really seeing Not just knowing in my mind That there's a tiny little flame Which knows it's complete Even without you And in that flame resides my heart Slowly growing, feeding that flame Much more learning to be done And I'm beginning to think That obsession can turn itself around One day, a miracle I love you in a special way The way of a friend who's been there And understands And it's not that different From those I work with So this is why I think I might be over you Obsession dying Setting you free Completely aware That I must be me. Can obsession turn to day, Or does it only try to stay? Can that feeling turn to stone, If it's finally left alone? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TO THE GROUND 42003011271 - ©2003 WLL Alone I lay Within the dark A tiny flame A single spark Desperately sought Another flame to unite And set my soul ablaze Keep it burning bright But every one I've found Just tears me to the ground Every one I've found Just tears me to the ground Leading me away From my true and only source of Light How was I to know My flame, alone, is bright? How was I to know He wanted me for me Asking only Faith Why can't I let that be? Crossroads, I have come Do I try or shall I run? Can I let Him into me Or will I look for fun? For everybody else I've found Just tears me to the ground Everybody else I've found Just tears me to the ground And if I let Him in, What becomes of you? Can we get together? Can I still be true? Part of me still wants you But I say that I must grow Find the truth within me But how then will I know? For I am always doubting All I feel I am Can I be and set you free? I don't know for sure I can And everybody else I've found Just tears me to the ground I know He is my Answer Yet still I'm on the ground ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEAVE THESE CHAINS 42003011421 - ©2003 WLL You're out of my sight I still feel the flame You come back to me Your feelings are tame You flee from me I push you away I find another It seems like a day Why won't you see That we're meant to be? Why did you leave? You've run from me I fall so fast into your arms I fall so fast into your eyes I hear the songs that play forever My dreams are such a good disguise Somehow I've learned My dreams have died I am awakened I know I've lied Leave these chains behind me now My soul is free to learn anew Suddenly I'm in your sight I guess I need to learn from you Why we're in this endless loop Perhaps in time we're finding out I can't deny there's something weird Does it matter what it's about? You didn't seem to listen then It was me who couldn't hear Using you to keep my heart Broke it with a single tear Leave these chains behind me now My soul is free to learn anew Suddenly I'm in your sight Still I seem to learn from you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NEW SONG 42003011422 - ©2003 WLL Such a lovely sound it makes I hide within its melody Promise me I'll find true love I'll stay for an eternity I live behind a wall of trees I think I'm open, unafraid Hidden in a field of green Great illusion I have made Fear is biting into me Every day I hide alone Seems to be a skin-deep wound But it cuts me to the bone Expose myself before the sky Am I sure I want to die? Do I want to die alone, And keep this song to hide my lies? I wake again within myself The sun pours in its dying light Feel the warmth despite the rain Feel the love despite the fright I listened to the radio I heard its message, played along Now the station has been changed I have found a whole new song ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN MEMORY OF YOU 42003011531 - ©2003 WLL I don't really remember you You're like a distant memory I wasn't very old when you left You never said you were sorry to me I've been told I look like her But she has said I look like you At times I think it isn't fair At times I'm glad that you were you Staring at the glass again My eyes, my hands, my nose aren't mine I wonder how you would have looked Were your lips as red as wine? I looked you up, you know Yep, just a little while back Maybe I had hoped to find All the memories that I lack But there before my very eyes I saw the words so plain to see No longer can I have the hope Because your life has ceased to be So I'm left here by myself Left to wonder where I'm from Half of me accounted for The other half forever dumb And so I write this little bit And hope in death your heart was true I have lots of things to say All to be in memory of you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WITHOUT YOU 42003011751 - ©2003 WLL Without you I felt I was Dying inside Incomplete On my own Floundering Like a fish Without water Without you My body turned From hot to cold Day to night As if I could Barely shine Without my own Fire fodder Without you I've learned how much I've hurt myself By letting go And knowing that My flame burns bright Even though you Cannot be here Without you I live alone Facing my heart Facing my mind Aware of issues I must deal with I have to learn To face my fears Without you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SORROW 42003011752 - ©2003 WLL I see myself within your eyes Just an endless sea of sorrow I know one day you'll find yourself If you look upon tomorrow At times you scare me and I wonder If I left you just in time Yet there were days when I Was in your arms and felt sublime Yet intuition screamed so loud I knew I had to let you go Something in you wasn't right The thing I finally came to know Now I find myself alone Knowing what I've done is right Even though you could be sad You have to find your inner light Oh, I know the dreams you had I know the feelings of despair I sense your mind and how it thinks Your dreams are fading into air Many, many nights I cried Tears which only fell on death A single dream I had has died The only thing I thought was left But when it died I found new light As you suffered in the night I am not the one that hurts I hope one day you find your sight So for now you carry on Alone, you stumble on ahead Until the day you find yourself Even though your dreams are dead ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DOUBTING WAVES 42003011971 - ©2003 WLL Once more reflecting Looking at my feelings past Wondering how I feel Wondering if this could last Trying to listen to everything And giving into it all Suddenly I catch myself Just as I'm about to fall I feel my thinking oscillate Back and forth within my mind I have learned a lot of things Why can't I leave it all behind And yet the doubts come crashing in Every now and then like waves Rain falls short but still I wonder If the waters still flow through caves For even as I am aware I see how blinded I have been I'm afraid to let it happen To myself yet once again And yet the thing you fear the most Will come upon thee, so they say I'm so afraid of being left I make it happen every day So then I listen to my heart And let it all just go away I keep my lessons closer still It doesn't matter if he'll stay Let things happen as they will Take life as it comes my way I'm so good at hiding truth I know I'll face it all one day ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE 42003012011 - ©2003 WLL I'm out of your league Despite my disguise I'm walking a separate Path in your eyes Yet even with glasses I still fail to see That I have to go on Can't bring you with me I sit here alone My eyes full of tears For only you can decide To let go of your fears How much longer before All of my will is gone How long must it take To simply move on Why are we linked Why won't it go And yet I don't care Although I don't know And I'm praying right now To find a way to stop this pain To stop myself from falling To see what I can gain And I'll leave you behind 'Cause I have to go on This flame burning brightly Burns while you're gone Leave if you need Stay if you must I suppose you should know There is no more lust So don't be disappointed When you're playing your game I know you hurt too But I won't be your aim So I've left you behind 'Cause I have to go on My flame grows so quickly Whenever you're gone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEAVE YOU BEHIND ME 42003012451 - ©2003 WLL Going to sleep tonight Wishing that things could be all right Hoping one day we'll see the light But for now we have no sight So onward I go now Into this night of dreams Nothing is ever as it seems But I've lost my dreams And with you in my life I'm so lonely and terrified I'd wished I could be your wife And yet I know that I've lied 'Cause when you're next to me Whether for real or in my mind I know we can't be I've gotta leave this behind And leave you behind me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOWERCASE ANGER 42003012561 - ©2003 WLL you know i'm not in the mood to learn tonight i really don't give a friggin' damn, that's right screw you, it's over, i admit we are for nought cannot keep your dates alive, you say you forgot well i may not be liking me right now but baby i won't lie there are times like these when i can almost wish that you would die not a very happy thing to say i know it's true but every friggin' night i'd wish i were with you and so i say obsession and that is what it is keep your stinking sickness and leave me with my biz you're right, i cannot change the man i hoped one day to marry and i know i can't expect of you all the things i carry and dammit i'll be angry if i want to feel that way i don't even want to see your smartass face today think real hard the next time you decide to flee because i won't wait around any longer, no, not me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CAUGHT IN THE FLAME 42003020161 - ©2003 WLL Flaming leaves Smoke curling up Towards the sky above Steady beat Within the clouds In a trance No more worries Life is silent The mind is gone Floating on Caught up in the smoke Caught up in the flame ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SHADES OF NIGHT 42003020162 - ©2003 WLL The sky is blue The sun sets low Lower still It's out of sight The sky is darker A deeper blue Darker still Into the night Shades of night They fill the sky All alone I want to cry The sun breaks through The sky turns blue Bluer still Yet still there's fright For even day Won't hide the fear Day is just A shade of night Shades of night They fill the sky All alone I want to cry Shades of night They fill my eyes Here alone You had to die ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I MIGHT GIVE A DAMN 42003020271 - ©2003 WLL I always thought that you might give a damn And maybe in your way you do But I'd been alone, baby, far too long My mistake was realising that he had been, too Nights of passion, I tried to stop my heart from feeling I thought with him I'd let you go Well you know what, he made me realise Something really painful that I had to know Deep inside I always understand But my selfish insecurities keep me in the dark I'm like a lightning storm, a sudden flash with lots of sound I'm always wrong about the ship on which I should embark Oh, I always thought that you might give a damn And maybe in your way you do But I'd been alone, baby, far too long My mistake was realising that he had been, too Oh, I always thought that I might give a damn And maybe in some way I really do I know I've got a long, long way to go alone But you know I haven't quite forgotten you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ POISON 42003020421 - ©2003 WLL Why are you so terrified of me? I feel like an ogre, with a boil on my nose And spikes coming out of my head Sharp and poisonous, deadly as lead You don't fit in with my plan You're far behind thought at times ahead At least now I can hate you for what you've said And for the things that you haven't I am a beast awaiting control A jellyfish with tentacles so flowing Deadly if you get near them Barbs on every one Waiting for your flesh To consume and digest In an ocean so deep Of longstanding emotions I am a kitten Purring in your lap Afraid of the thunder You're caught in my trap Of sharp little claws They run down your face Dig into your heart Making it stop cold in mid-beat I am the blood That runs in your veins Your body rejects me For I'm really a poison Of the most dangerous kind One that opens your mind Yet still your arteries want me For I'm the only blood they know ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I LIE ALONE 42003020641 - ©2003 WLL Shadows of darkness loom overhead Surrounding me now Creeping into every space Every single crack Every aspect of my mind For I have not heard from you And I have read too much And he has called me twice today I wanted to hurt him I don't anymore For he's just like I was Only he has will enough To let it show loudly I still hate him Strong reactions To someone just like me I tire of reading I tire of thinking But my mind keeps going So I lie on the couch I think it'll be all right But I still haven't heard If you're alive or dead And yet I know you are okay That eases my mind A lot more than it once did I worry too much I finally saw that movie You wanted me to see It was pretty good Wanted you with me But I'm just glad I went Now I lie here Cold, hungry, alone No mind to share thoughts with One lonely little child We're scattered Like pollen on the ground Little particles of powder Never quite sprouting Into perfect flowers I lie alone On my old couch Letting my fingers walk Do as they will For I am too tired To care anymore ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FREEDOM 42003020751 - ©2003 WLL Your eyes are blackened holes in your head Can't believe I could wish anyone dead Go away, leave me be, I'm cursing your face Your voice tries to haunt me, you're such a disgrace I've tried being nice, I can't do that now Allowing you near me I will not allow I'll fight to the death to end all this pain I'm out of your reach, you're looking insane Why do you hate me? Just leave me alone We've both gotta grow a lot on our own A beautiful life, destroyed by your hand I still have control, I'll move from this land Follow me now, I'll tear you apart You touch me again and I'll rip out your heart You say it was love? You're selfish to me You wanted to own me, when love would be free ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ODE TO SCOTTISH SHORTBREAD 42003021931 - ©2003 WLL Flour, sugar, butter, salt Mix you fast so I can taste Soon I have you nice and warm A bit too much, but that's okay Yummy bites of powdery bliss Buttery taste, but I'm so glad That I listened to myself And halved your recipe! On and on and on I eat Deep into the dark of night Nibble here, nibble there Watching movies, and online Gotta eat this lovely stuff Couldn't bear to see it spoil Soon I'm crushing it to death Sprinkle it upon my cereal Gotta eat this horrid stuff When did I obtain a magic pan?! Tastes real good upon my toast Think I'll store it in a can Tater toppings interest me But not today, I am afraid For still I have a half a pan And no one else will touch the stuff When will it go, I've had too much I'm turning to a powder puff Maybe if I heat it up It would keep me nice and warm In my shoes and in my gloves Insulate my feet and hands Greasy power, dump it in Wait, don't let it near my skin Next time I make this horrid stuff I think I'll tenth the recipe A single piece is quite enough To last a gal a year!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EXCALIBUR 42003022851 - ©2003 WLL I don't know where I'm headed I only know the places I've been Caught up in my memories I find myself in thought again But wistful thoughts are all they are Crashing in like waves on shore All I thought I knew is gone Confusion flooding like before Where are you now, are you still here Or is my heart a heart of stone Excalibur is what you are Is there a Knight to call my own Poisoned arrows in the night Take their place within my chest Anger seems to hide my tears Oh, the wicked have no rest Riding on a clumsy horse And beating me with all your wit This is how I've pictured you By my flame your eyes were lit Where are you now, are you still here Or is my heart a heart of stone Excalibur is what you are Is there a Knight to call my own Excalibur, you're growing old Set within my heart of stone Some day I hope to find the One Who'll draw you out and take me home ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN THE NEWS 42003030311 ©2003 WLL Darkness covers the land outside A single light allows me to see Pen on paper moving now Every word is up to me A set of eyes reflected back Knowledge here despite my thought Should have seen it long ago But I deny the Truth a lot In news today, the same old theme Headlines always show your name But future issues being written Will no longer need the Game I drew you near and now you're gone Because we can no longer play Neither you nor I can grow When all we want to do is stay Darkness soon will turn to Light The single light will turn to two Growing stronger 'til one day This paper features more than you ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOOKING FOR AN ANSWER 42003032261 - ©2003 WLL She's been trying to survive Looking for an answer To rid her mind so full Of old and dusty lies People all around her Still she feels alone Fearing separation You can see it in her eyes Yet a smile seems okay Happiness apparent But deep inside is darkness Her face is a disguise Looking for the One She tries to bring Him near Searching for the One When He's already there She thinks she has the answers She thinks she knows it all She buries all her fears again In hopes they'll disappear Yet still the nagging feeling It tries to catch her mind She buries all her thoughts But still they reappear Every now and then she sees Who she really is But there's the dark despair again Once more she stars to fear That looking for the One Will never bring Him near And even if she sees Him She might not want Him there For the darkness likes to hide the lights That hide within her soul But somewhere in the darkness is A tiny flame That draws Him near He'll always see the tiny flame It always draws Him near What does she have to fear? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOVE'S EMBRACE 42003040341 - ©2003 WLL I feel your embrace Despite the miles between us I pray for you To find happiness And true Love I love you Despite the miles between us The many many miles Though our minds touch And our bodies have been as one I'm still learning as you are Different levels, yet the same How I wish you weren't a game But in some ways where I've grown up You still lag behind How you haunt my mind Travelling towards the Light Wrapped within its loving Sense Loving freely in its Grace Until the world is back again But none will take us from the skies For so very long we've Known Who's behind our every Step And who can help us Understand And I can't wait another day For you to come to be with me He is the One that I can Know I know I'll fall every now and then But I know I'll get back up again How I hope you understand I know you love me in your way I know you know we shouldn't play Love's Embrace, it holds me tight What I've longed for in the Night Never will He leave my side As you know you've had to do For we are human, we are weak Even when we think we're strong Oh, my God, it's been so long I admit that I've been wrong ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TRACKS 42003040821 - ©2003 WLL (actually written a couple months ago, possibly even last year, but couldn't find a date code.) Murky water surrounds my shoes But in this tunnel there are no views So on I plod along this track Awaiting the day the lights come back On and on and on I go Moving forward is all I know The tracks before me are so wet I walk along the empty set Long abandoned, this tunnel is old I believe that once it shone of gold But the walls must surely be covered with green The kids probably come here on Halloween For now I'm keeping to one side Just in case that train should slide Not every light will turn out to ease pain For sometimes a light turns into a train ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ON THE SURFACE 42003041851 - ©2003 WLL On the surface I still love you But underneath is anger too You treat me bad, your feelings fade Anytime you have it made I am not a stupid girl Even though you were my world Half my life I wanted you Wishing you would want me too Now the stars might link your mind But since you came I've lagged behind Suddenly my thoughts rush in A sudden gust of stronger wind I act, I weep, I act and play I laugh out loud in hopes you'll stay But when I face the truth I know Somehow I've finally let you go You simply are not what I need Your love is not enough for me Keep the game but play alone I'm finally living on my own On the surface you might hate me When deep within you could love me I saw the stars within your eyes Love blinded me to your disguise ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CONFIRMATION 42003041852 - ©2003 WLL I sit alone here I pray to You I know I've erred I know I've hurt myself And know I've hurt him I know I was once like him And I know we're both to blame I'm sorry for letting him hurt me And I'm sorry I hurt him I'm sorry for hurting many people So many to count I can't list them all I couldn't see the joy in life And maybe even now I still cannot But I know You're always there There by my side You've always been there How could I have not known it? I did, but my ego, it always gets in the way I let it take over my life I cannot promise that I'll always walk straight But I give my life to You in hopes that I might You're truly my Saviour The only One who stands by me The only One who loves me Regardless of what I might do For I would stand and keep on falling And all You did was help me up I'd yell at You and run away But when I needed shelter You found me anyway I'd try and try to get my way I thought I had my own powers And You knew better, but let me think whatever I wanted You let me get away with it all And just when I began again to fall You caught me. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ IN YOUR SHADOW 42003042811 - ©2003 WLL I am feeling pretty good these days So many shadows have turned to Light I used to think you'd come back for me when You left me in the mourning light But every time the mourning came you Left me here within your shadow My tears, they could have been a river You wanted me to remain in your shadow Yesterday came and went already All I can do is live right now Leaving you there with all your shadows There was a time I didn't know how Opening up the Light around me Accepting me for what I am Who will give me love and forgiveness? Only a never ending Circle can Yesterday came and went already All I can do is live right now Leaving you there with all your shadows There was a time I didn't know how Opening up the Light around me Accepting me for what I am Who will give me love and forgiveness? Only a never ending Circle can ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WEEDS 42003050141 - ©2003 WLL The little bee upon the dandelion Seems to have a purpose it simply works toward. Flying from flower to flower, These unwanted blemishes upon the grass They are not weeds to him Such beauty our species tears down And does the tiny bee mourn at night When all these flowers die Whether because of us or because of nature? Or does he merely explore again Simply living in the new day, Once again working toward his goal? Spreading pollen from old flowers now dead To others he finds anew Spreading life And wouldn't little bee tears Prevent the honey from being made And slow the spread of pollen So that the flowers fade? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SOMETHING MORE 42003050621 - ©2003 WLL It's been over ten years Since I first met you Since I first thought That you and I were meant to be Forever more Oh, you've changed in time But you were never mine And I was never yours You don't have that hold on me Not anymore I won't pretend I hate you now And I won't pretend I love you A little glimmer lost on you How I've wasted all these years I've closed the door Still I sit alone at night How things change when the day Fades away to emptiness And instead of you I'm in such need For something more ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ALONE AND GROWING 42003050622 - ©2003 WLL I've waited for so long For you to come around I cannot wait any more I'm going on without you now I love my mom She drives me crazy sometimes But I love her And I love my friends They drive me crazy sometimes But I love them I've learned to live I've learned to die And most of all I've learned to cry And still I'm here Alone With only God Never knowing what comes next Making plans, keeping goals Wishing so hard for more than I have Never seeing I've got it all right here And I know I love you in some way But it just isn't strong enough To remain there on its own I don't even know why I know you want control And still, the tears, they come like rain Knowing we can never be You don't want to grow with me I saw it there that morning Shining strong within your eyes A thousand words conveyed In a single glance How surprised was I, but why? It took twelve years to pass me by Before I finally saw your face I let you, I let you hurt me I let you see me cry I let the years between us Make me see your heart Instead of what you do I hate those eyes They weren't the same My own had opened Suddenly And there you were Your surface look I left the comfort of your heart And tiptoed out on top of it Where all around was ugliness And shining bright was glaring light Upon a dark and deserted landscape But I could not recoil I remember one day I looked at myself And saw the very same thing And I know Yes I know How long it takes to drudge this lake Years of pollutants entering that water Even as others are cleared away So I cry some tears Into your ocean of fears And maybe one day that will help you grow Beyond the confines of your heart Where someone, someday, can see your eyes And know they reflect Only your heart So now we part And grow on our own With only God while we're alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NOT A LADY 42003052351 - ©2003 WLL Oh, I'm not a little lady I'll never be a ma'am I'm just a little girlie Doin' everything she can To get away from memories Full of hurt and pain Wherever you might find me I've got something to gain And I I don't need nobody To tell me what I need To tell me what to do And I I don't need nobody To tell me who I need I'm only needing You I'm not his little woman I'll never be his wife My heart belongs to You Though he takes my life And when I'm in the darkness And think I've lost my way I feel Your arms around me You Know just what to say And I I don't need nobody To tell me what I need To tell me what to do And I I don't need nobody To tell me who I need I'm only needing You ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FALLEN NIGHT 42003060911 - ©2003 WLL A wisp of darkness covered me Keeping stars from both my eyes Raindrops fell from heavy clouds Hanging in the dreary skies Voices loudly clamouring Confusion swirling through my mind Overbearing noises and For a moment I'm left behind Fallen night, the day has come Clear the darkness from my eyes All this time you were around I created your disguise ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EVOLUTION 42003061611 - ©2003 WLL Quickly-moving images Flit about upon the screen Right now they seem to bother you Once I thought you were quite mean But here and now you're as afraid As I once was, heart so loud Beating hard against your chest You'd like to run on open ground The chase is on, we were alone Seemed at times you hated me Now we see our differences And see some more of what could be I laugh a bit because it is ironic How you are me and I am you Together nothing can stop us hard Yet we could never unite as our tempers flew Today I see the subtleties That hide within your changing mind You look at me so differently Can we leave the past behind? But no, we cannot let our past Slip behind us for that's the fun If we didn't have our past We couldn't see what we have done The pictures change, the figures move Like our lives will often do My heart races, pounding hard I see now how I'm like you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FADING MELODIES 42003062751 - ©2003 WLL Worlds apart Colliding Music speaks What cannot be Cannot be said Conveys emotion And soothes the soul A different world A different life Back and forth within the room Blood runs quick within my veins Every strand of DNA Floating in the emptiness The richness of the sound Flowing through the molecules Moods so varied, dance along Thoughts astray all merge as one On a track within the night Starlight streaming through my hair See the records spin around Everything I've ever done Passion, sadness, happy beats My life is like a medley now Disco turning ambience All within a slowing beat One day the song abruptly ends And these thoughts will fade in time But in the night when someone sleeps Their dreams will hear our memories Dancing light within their minds ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ PRAYER 46 42003062861 - ©2003 WLL Ground rules needed Before You fade From my awareness I am afraid that I Am getting in a situation Where my current will Might change again I pray for Guidance I'd like a friend Is this a test? Many want money Beauty, power I long for intellect But is this my downfall? I only wanted a friend Curse my open thoughts I pray You help me I pray to You to help me now Keep me standing tall Please don't let me fall I trust You, I trust You now Regardless of the situation I Know You will protect me In Your loving way As You always have You won't let me fall If only I remember That I am Loved Eternally. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BEHIND A MONITOR 42003063011 - ©2003 WLL On my way I look up at the sky And I wonder If my life has passed me by I'm only 26 I don't do much for kicks Except sit here Behind a monitor But I say Writing is my life Although I wonder It isn't all a lie Yeah, I'm 26 But my head is full of tricks Life is so near Behind a monitor On my way I look up at the sky And I ponder All the people passing by God, I'm 26 It's hit me like a ton of bricks What do I have to fear Behind a monitor ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ NEW MELODIES 42003070121 - ©2003 WLL New experiences New people New interests New music New melodies Tell me No, don't tell me Where I Where I might be Ten years from now Don't tell me how I want it to be A surprise I am so tired Of my disguise My heart is beating within my shell God, You know I've been through hell I'm moving on with You in mind Help me leave the hurt behind All these Days, I felt the Night Only Shadows in the Light Now my arms are open wide I can feel You deep inside Feel my trembling heart within Your gentle hands, forgive my sin Lift me up within the breeze You know I'm always on my knees My heart is beating within my shell God, You know I've been through hell I'm moving on with You in mind Help me leave the hurt behind All these Days, I felt the Night Only Shadows in the Light Now my arms are open wide I can feel You deep inside ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LEAVES FALLING 42003070231 - ©2003 WLL One more night I cannot sleep One more day I will not eat I really thought my heart would stop I really hoped I'd not get caught But my emotions overwhelm Every acre of this realm Like an endless wave of sorrow My sadness grows beyond tomorrow Chains have broken all apart Restless is my weary heart On I fight with little rest If only life was only jest Walls still crumbling Voices mumbling Shadows cast upon the rocks Time is ticking in the clocks And still emotions overwhelm Every acre of this realm Like an endless wave of sorrow My sadness grows beyond tomorrow Leaves are falling in the snow In the night the sun is low Summer's here but I'm afraid I won't ever make the grade Intellect will fleet with time All that's left is simple rhyme The only way to speak my heart Is to have it torn apart And still emotions overwhelm Every acre of this realm I throw my feelings out to sea But they're floating back to me ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BLINDING LIGHTS 42003070232 - ©2003 WLL It's been a while since we first spoke And even longer since we began And I don't know where these words begin Lord, I know, they're like the sand Soft and supple underneath Yet forcing strength upon my feet That is what was needed when I found someone I had to meet Things don't always work the way We thought they really should Never fully making sense It's hard to see how bad is good But I'm back upon this road The highway set within the sky Beyond the desert and the miles The road continues climbing high Intelligence reflected there Yet prejudice pours down like rain Earthly wants are haunting him Someplace deep I saw his pain And now I see the darkened heart But still I understand his play Born into this, it's all he knows He'd never understand my way But I'm back upon this road On a highway set in the sky Beyond the desert and the green Oh, my road is climbing high ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ GERMINATION (TELL ME WHY) 42003070671 - ©2003 WLL Tell me why I sit here ruminating About the past My thoughts are germinating Out of seeds In a brain of gamma rays Hoping that Every thought within it stays Tell me why I met you once and let you go I realise That you know things I'll never know Yet still I sit Waiting and anticipating I'm alone Yet with you, and I'm contemplating Tell me why Every now and then I feel A growing flame Telling me that this is real And once more I feel small yet fully grown All your roots Seem to grow right through the stone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ TOWARDS THE SUN 42003071261 - ©2003 WLL Journey ended Another began Sometimes I walked And sometimes I ran Long yellow strips A road in the night I followed them close Until morning's light The sun with its warmth Shown down on me But after a while Too strong was the heat So down came the night My sweat turned too cold The sun came again Or so I was told I basked within its glory Painted new lines The road went below Into some mines Damp musty tunnels Blocked out the light For all I knew Again it was night But the exit emerged Ahead I could see The sun rose again It was waiting for me It beckons again I follow its call It gives me the will To stand when I fall They sky is now red It tells my life story I no longer bask In all the sun's glory I look over the land From the road that I walk If only these lines Could know how to talk The night starts to fall As I go farther still The journey is long At times it's sheer will But at the cold end Of every dark night The sun will come up And warm me with light ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SLEEPLESS HOURS 42003071961 - ©2003 WLL Thumping, pounding, in my chest The heart, it never seems to rest Tossing, turning, in the night Always looking for your light Symphonic orchestrations here Whenever I can feel you near Every sound is what I feel Floating into what is real So many sleepless hours And my faith so often sours Glowing embers lie in ash How my feelings often clash A poker stirs, rekindles flame What happens to me is exactly the same Your love consumes me like flame does air Rearranging all the atoms there So many sleepless hours And my faith so often sours Glowing embers lie in ash How my feelings often clash You come along and air my flame You know I cannot do the same Your love consumes me like flame does air Rearranging all the atoms there Floating into what is real I know your love is what I feel Whenever I can feel you near Symphonic orchestrations here Always looking for your light I'm tossing, turning, in the night The heart, it never seems to rest With the pounding in my chest ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ DRIFTWOOD 42003071962 - ©2003 WLL I fell in love with a fantasy His face was the face of another man His eyes looked at me with adoration I let him hold me in his hand Squinting in the evening light It took away my will and might To release the fantasy I created on that night My hair shines reddish in the sun The grass is green between my toes I watch the sun as it goes down And I know this feeling grows The rift between us widens still Driftwood heading out to sea He doesn't care, it doesn't matter Some things are never meant to be ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MONSTERS 42003072331 - ©2003 WLL Alone, I walk on sacred soil I'm praying hard with all my might Lost within a forest deep My eyes are longing for their sight The winds of change are in the air Beneath the sunlight shining down Rippling leaves, they shimmer so Dancing shadows on the ground I see something in the wind Sparkling lights surrounding me Taking flight amongst the trees Yet I am down upon my knees My brain is bored, my body old Bones are creaking in my shell All my mental imagery Leaves me thinking I'm in hell Monsters stalk me in the woods Hunt me down with weapons crude Snarling voices follow me Somehow I manage to elude How they found me, I don't know Here upon this path of old I thought the sun would keep them out I thought my path was made of gold But here I am, I'm lost again Perchance the turn I made was wrong I run away out of these trees Listening for another song Across my face the sunlight beams I awake alone in bed No more monsters chasing me Just a nightmare in my head. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE HAND 42003072661 - ©2003 WLL You lie there waking in trembling sheets Deep within the dark of night Somewhere along the path you've walked You somehow learned to lose your sight You stumble out of bed and walk Still asleep within the dark Your toes are tangled in the sheets You dream a hand has grabbed your feet The crumpled sheets fall off the bed And in the dark you hit your head All your memories leave your mind In your dreams you are behind The hand is pulling on your leg Your sweat, it trickles as you beg Toward the window in the wall The hand will try to take it all Your voice is mute, they cannot hear You're left alone with all your fear Never safe within this room You're left alone with all the gloom You screech again and plead your life Its nails cut in as would a knife Within the dawn you try to escape Your ankle is barely touching the drape The carpet is green, and rough to the touch You want to hang on, you want it so much But it burns you instead as the hand pulls you near The fire within burns away all your fear The hand lets go, your ankle falls Your voice barely echoes as it runs down the halls Vanishing into the wood of the case The hand sneaks away with barely a trace Yet in the dawn you wake in fear Stretched out on the floor and nobody's here Knuckles turned white whilst gripping the post Why are they helpless when you need them the most? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ This one was written as an attempt at country. I think I almost succeeded, although of course the music's only in my head. IT'S YOU 42003082031 - ©2003 WLL My eyes were blurry in the night When suddenly I saw the light The smoke had lifted from my eyes Where did you get such a disguise? Letting go of all my fears You've erased my painful years I love that smile in your voice I will love you and rejoice In you, who made me stop and see It's you who made my life complete Your every breath makes makes me go wild I think I'm feeling like a child You see my flaws and you don't care Your voice it carries on the air As you tell me you love me How can my eyes refuse to see Oh, you're the one that I live for And you're the one that I want more Than anyone in this whole world Tell me that you are my girl It's you, who made me stop and see It's you who made my life complete Your every breath makes me go wild I think I'm feeling like a child For you, you made me stop and see It's you who makes my life complete Your every breath makes me go wild Yes, I swear I'm still a child Stay with me, oh stay with me, girl ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ENIGMA 42003082511 - ©2003 WLL We're an enigma Just one in a billion Insoluble entities And we never listen We see the same stars We're of the same stone Our fates intertwine Yet still we're alone Our voices collide There are stars in our eyes Our souls know the truth Yet wear a disguise We see the same stars We're of the same stone Our fates intertwine Yet still we're alone Insoluble entities No, we never listen We're an enigma Just one in a billion ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ EMPTY ROOM 42003082512 - ©2003 WLL Flames within an empty room Consuming all of the remains Of a love that once burned freely Now the heat, it just complains Once upon a time, a spark Lit two souls within the dark Now only glowing embers left Don't you know we are bereft Our tears became a waterfall As they mixed within the night Yeah, we know we had it all Now we do what must be right Flames within an empty room Consuming all of the remains Of a love that once burned freely Now the heat, it just complains ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE STREETLAMP 42003082621 - ©2003 WLL A single streetlamp burns the oil As the evening fast approaches She hides beneath its saving light But the darkness still encroaches Her eyes were once a softer brown Now they're hardening like the post Which she tries to hide behind Afraid to be a lonely ghost But the iron of the lamp Is too thin to hide her well Though her body is so thin It's enough to be in hell The lamplight sputters randomly Soon, she knows, the meager light Could go out above her head Leave her fighting off the night Silent screaming in her mind She wakes alone within a room A million voices in her head Want to seal her pending doom A single torch upon the wall Lights a face that's stained with tears Monstrous faces yell to her She prays the light will slay these fears But until the night is gone She fears the light too small to give Any safety from this world Or any chance for her to live ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CALLING LIGHT 42003110271 - ©2003 WLL Somewhere in the bleak of night In the distant calling light I swear your eyes are watching me Dancing with uncertainty Lost within a realm of sorrow Too far lost within tomorrow Afraid to free yourself to me How, then, can we ever be? Fluffy words are all you give Truth be known I, too, won't live Without the shadows in the night Where exists that calling light ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ FADING IN THE AIR 42003110641 - ©2003 WLL Sparks ignite A fleeting fight To keep the fire from Engulfing the night Trembling hearts Alone in the dark Trying so hard To extinguish that spark You think you have all of the answers But do you know how we can care? We hold on tight to hopes so lost Who said life was ever fair? Lightning crackles in the night Blazing fire, blinding light Gazing through another's eyes Seeing faces full of fright Breaking hearts Full of despair Tried to love but No one cared You think you have all of the answers But do you know just what we share? We hold on tight to hope in vain Who said life was ever fair? You thought you had all of the answers But did you know just what we've shared? We've held on to hopes in vain Praying that the other cared Our hopes are fading in the air. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ BOX OF RAIN 42003112961 - ©2003 WLL The lights were dim as we came in Music filled the air In the corner of my eye I saw him sitting there Didn't make too much of it Listened to the music play Somehow we sat right next to him I didn't have that much to say Yet he got my number still How I fumbled with that pen A week would pass before he'd call I scarce believe how calm I'd been Where time went, I have no clue Suddenly the sky was blue Morning came and went again Then we met out in the rain Oh, I don't know where I'm going For right now I'm having fun Such a scary world for me And it's only just begun ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ INTERSECTION 42003120771 - ©2003 WLL Here I am, I'm at the middle Of an intersection wide Feeling horrid with frustrations Only I could have supplied No one makes me feel this way I'm the one who puts them high Up upon the pedestal I create each silly lie So here I am, I'm feeling bad I don't know how to simply live Never happy being me How will I ever learn to give? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WHERE HORSES RUN 42003121251 - ©2003 WLL Some would say That I don't know What I'm doing When I say I have to go But I do today As I think that I must do I won't comply With anyone, not even you I have a heart, and it's alive My soul is free and will survive Sparkling springs beneath the sun Amidst the fields where horses run It's just me, my thoughts And my desire I won't listen to anyone For only I can take me higher My head is all I've got To keep me sane Why should I allow myself to hurt Or live with all your pain? I have a heart, and it's alive My soul is free and will survive Sparkling springs beneath the sun Amidst the fields where horses run No, I cannot let you see the girl that I was so long ago The past is past, that me is gone A memory that I don't know In my head new feelings swirl Around so fast I'm letting go of who you were Now you're living in my past I have a heart, and it's alive My soul is free and will survive Sparkling springs beneath the sun Amidst the fields where horses run ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ THE END OF 2003 42003123131 - ©2003 WLL My oh my, where has it gone This whole year has passed us fast All the fun and aggravation Well, time will never let it last Marching on within tonight Starting out a life anew Every day is one more step Every breath I take for you Where are you now? I feel your hands Hold me tight within your sight Even in forsaken lands Where darkness lights a single fire Hot within the piercing night In the distance I can see it But closer still is brighter light I rest within your cozy grip Knowing you are always near Though you sometimes let me fall I can always feel you here My mind is calmly spinning 'round As the night continues on Pretty soon I'm going out And suddenly, the year is gone ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With newfound energy, I tried to make things work in life.  It turned out that the year was full of thought and lots of hard work.


Eventually, I managed to let go of things as they had been between myself and another, even as I rid myself of a relationship I should not have allowed in the first place.


In the meantime, I ventured into darker areas of my heart and did a little digging and exploring, pulling themes like those in “In Memory Of You,” which was about my absent father, and “The Hand,” which was a nightmare that plagued me since I was a small child.


I apparently wanted safety by the end of the year, and got it in the form of a beautiful man with nothing to contribute other than chivalry and looks.  I realized this some months later, of course, in 2004.

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